Day 19 of life in the slow lane with the turn signal on…
At the “Desiring God” conference in Minneapolis last month I was given the book, The Gospel-Centered Life: a Nine Lesson Study. Lesson one is entitled, “Six Ways of Minimizing Sin” and I was blown away with its content! Since I struggle with sin in my life (especially pride), I found the information to be both convicting and humbling. Here are the 6 ways people attempt to minimize sin:
#1 – Defending. I find it difficult to receive feedback about weakness or sin. When confronted, my tendency is to explain things away, talk about my successes, or justify my decisions. As a result, people are hesitant to approach me and I rarely have conversations about difficult things in my life.
#2 – Faking. I strive to keep up appearances and maintain a respectable image. My behavior, to some degree, is driven by what I think others think of me. I also do not like to think reflectively about my life. As a result, not many people know the real me. In fact, I may not even know the real me…
#3 – Hiding. I tend to conceal as much as I can about my life, especially the “bad stuff.” This is different from faking, in that faking is about impressing. Hiding is more about shame. I don’t think people will accept or love the real me.
#4 – Exaggerating. I tend to think (and talk) more highly of myself than I ought. I make things (good and bad) out to be much bigger than they are (usually to get attention). As a result, things often get more attention than they deserve and have a way of making me stressed or anxious.
#5 – Blaming. I am quick to blame others for sin or circumstances. I have a difficult time “owning” my contributions to sin or conflict. There is an element of pride that assumes it’s not my fault, and/or an element of fear or rejection if it is my fault.
#6 – Downplaying. I tend to give little weight to sin or circumstances in my life, as if they are “normal” or “not that bad.” As a result, things often don’t get the attention they deserve. They have a way of mounting to the point of being overwhelming.
I now point you to Romans 5:6-11…“For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person – though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die – but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” THANK GOD we do not have to live defending, faking, hiding, exaggerating, blaming or downplaying our sin! We can simply recognize it, own it, confess it to Jesus, and then thank Him for His forgiveness that cleanses our soul and restores our relationship with God the Father…now that’s AMAZING GRACE!!!!
Day 18 of life in the slow lane with the turn signal on…
I’m sitting here at my desk staring at a blank computer screen, trying desperately to think of SOMETHING funny to write about in this blog. My dad is in the adjoining room sitting in his recliner watching football…loudly! Unlike my dad, I don’t care to watch sporting events on the TV – would rather be live and in person. This is probably because I spent 4 years being “drum mom” when my son, Jeremy, was in the high school band. I didn’t miss a football game, band concert or competition and loved EVERY minute of it!! The most exciting place in the stadium (other than the field, of course) is next to the band. So, I sit here with my back to the game, trying to tune out the announcers…unsuccessfully, I might add. As I listen, I have to admit that not knowing much about football makes for some funny material. For example, one of the talking heads just said, “I think he’s built more like a wide receiver than a tight end.” Well, dude, welcome to my world!!! Now they’re talking about turnovers and it’s making me hungry…I think I’ll say a “Hail Mary” and go eat supper!
Day 17 of life in the slow lane with the turn signal on…
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve been asked to tell someone a joke, I’d be a rich woman!! I realize I’m a comedian, but what people don’t seem to understand is that not all comedians tell “jokes” – in fact, very few do. So, my response to the, “Tell me a joke” line is, “I don’t tell jokes.” Of course, that only seems to agitate people, who typically then say, “What do you mean you don’t tell jokes? You’re a comedian, aren’t you?” They give me the cocked head “you’re a lame-o” look, like I’m stupid and don’t quite understand my job description. I try to explain that I don’t tell random jokes – I tell stories about my life that are constructed to (hopefully) be funny. I expect them to say, “Ok, that makes sense.” Instead, my answer only appears to frustrate them further, and I feel a verbal fight coming on. So, in the interest of public safety (okay, my safety), after 20 years of being in the comedy biz and working very hard to write original material, I’ve decided to give up and just tell jokes. In fact, I’m not even going to work at it. I’m going to just take the easy route and steal from my handy-dandy joke book. Here’s a sample of my new act:
What did the elevator say to its friend? I think I’m coming down with something.
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? All the sailors were marooned.
Why did the invisible man turn down a job offer? He just couldn’t see himself doing it.
How do you make a hot dog stand? Take away its chair.
What do you call a monkey who won’t behave? A bad-boon.
What happened to the mouse when he fell into the bathtub? He came out squeaky clean.
(And, my personal fav) Who keeps the ocean clean? The mermaid!
Well, that’s all for today, folks! Be sure to tune in tomorrow for more jokes! Same time, same blog…
Day 16 of life in the slow lane with the turn signal on…
I was recently cleaning out my mom’s china cabinet and came across a love note (below), handwritten by her father to her mother. Upon reading the note, my first thought was that marriage is designed by God to demonstrate the same love Christ has for His bride, the church. My grandfather not only understood that lifelong covenant to his bride, but he kept it. Marriage is not about fantasy – it’s about faithfulness! May we all be so faithful…
“To A Most Precious Wife: On this our 7th wedding day, I bow before you on bended knee, to ask forgiveness for all that I have done to bother, to hurt, to sadden, or shame you. With God to take my hand and guide, a better husband I will be, for all the years to come. And, may our love forever grow and be as pure and sweet as that which we have known, since God has tied our hearts as one. Yours only forever and ever, Andy”
Day 15 of life in the slow lane with the turn signal on…
Dad and I just returned from volunteering at the Desiring God National Conference (www.DesiringGod.org) in Minneapolis and WOW!!!! My head and heart are overflowing with the love of God for all nations to hear the Gospel – and, with over 6,500 unreached people groups in the world, that is a high Calling for us as Christians!!
On Friday night Louie Giglio said, “The universe is one of God’s thoughts” and quoted Isaiah 6:8: “And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?’ Then I said, ‘Here I am! Send me.’” He then said, “Who is asking the question? GALACTIC GOD IS ASKING THE QUESTION!!” He concluded his message by challenging us to answer the Call of God to go, by saying, “Here I am, God, send me!”
Then, during Dr. John Piper’s message on Sunday morning, he quoted Acts 20:24: “But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.”
It’s so easy for me to get caught up in our culture and what the world tells me I should be doing with my “free time” – sleeping, eating, watching tv/movies, dating, being entertained, having fun – and, I quickly forget WHY I have been placed here on this earth! When I became a Believer in Jesus Christ, it was no longer about me and my needs/wants/desires – it became all about telling unbelievers the GOOD NEWS!!! I have the answer, the way to heaven, the way out of hell, the way to be delivered from sin, the reason for living – and it’s my job to go and tell!! I pray every day for the desire to love people enough to tell them about Jesus, and the strength to say, “Here I am, God, send me!”
Day 14 of life in the slow lane with the turn signal on…
I went with my dad to Bob Evans for lunch today. I am not a fan, but it’s his favorite restaurant and he was paying. We ordered our food and I sat back to survey the scene. The only people in the place under the age of 60 were me and the waitress. She came to our table and it was clear from the time she opened her mouth that she was painfully aware of how little the tips typically are when people are living on a fixed income. (I think I just typed a run-on sentence…not sure because I slept through the grammar portion of English class, but I believe that’s what they look like!)
Before our waitress could even flip open her notepad, she was up-selling like crazy in an obvious attempt to jack up the bill, which would hopefully translate into a tip larger than a dollar for all her hard work. “Welcome to Bob Evans! It’s so hot outside! Can I get you an ice cold glass of sweet tea or lemonade to cool you off? You must be starving! Can I bring you some breaded garlic mushrooms or county fair cheese bites while you look over the menu? Would you like a garden salad or some coleslaw to compliment your meal?” (I wanted to say, “No, I’ll be the only one dishing out any accolades at this table!”) “Save room for dessert – our peanut butter brownie bites are amazing!” Okay, I gotta stop. I’m getting hungry just typing this and you get the point!
Unfortunately for us, she realized after we said, “No, thank you” to everything and only wanted water with our meal, that she was wasting precious time with us. So, after she brought us our food, she vanished and we were on our own! We never did get the sour cream, butter, or extra dressing we asked for, or any refills on our free water. Now, my children will tell you that if you at least attempt to do a good job, I will tip big. After all, I am sure that I would be a lousy waitress and admire anyone who at least tries to serve others well! I was very tempted to leave a small tip, to teach this waitress a lesson in customer no-service, but decided that it would only discourage her from doing her best the next time someone else didn’t want anything “extra” with their meal. (Hey, was that another run-on? I think so!)
Our bill was only $14.68, but before leaving the table, I put $4 under my empty water glass and smiled as I walked away. After all, it’s not my job to teach anyone a lesson in humility – that’s for God to do! However, it is my job to make sure the sinful pride in my own heart is confessed and dealt with, and my life reflects the grace-filled love of Christ, regardless of whether or not life is fair and I get to have real butter on my baked potato…SMILE!
Day 13 of life in the slow lane with the turn signal on…
I’m sitting here listening to my dad talking with a friend of his via the phone. He always turns the speaker on because he thinks I want to hear what is being said. I do not. Since they had not spoken in awhile, the conversation began with the usual niceties. They are now comparing ailments and medications, as their voices rise with greater and greater intensity. It’s as if someone has to win, but I’m not sure how that is determined! At first, I thought that it was the one who has the most wrong with him. Now, it seems to have turned into a battle of who takes less meds. Turns out, they both take a “water pill” every day. My dad’s friend exclaimed, with great pride, that he only takes one, while my dad quickly interjected that he cuts it in half! Truth be told, my dad is supposed to take a whole one, but he got frustrated having to locate a bathroom every hour throughout the day and decided to prescribe himself a half. He loves to self-medicate and even stops taking the pill all together from time to time, which I’ve explained is dangerous! I can tell when he’s not taking it because he swells up like Miss Piggy after an all-you-can-eat buffet. In fact, I went with him to the doctor just yesterday for a blood work review. As we sat in the exam room waiting on the nurse to come take his vitals, I told my dad that he’d better be honest with the doc or I’d squeal on him. His mouth dropped open and he said, “You’d squeal on me?” I said, “Faster than a five year old on a school playground!” He thought I was kidding. I was not. When the doctor asked him if he’s been taking his water pill. My dad said, “Yes” and looked at me. I gave him a “look” and he confessed that he’s only been taking a half. I smiled. Then, the doc asked him if he’s been taking it every day. My dad said, “Yes, for the past week or so.” Again, I gave him a look. He squirmed in his chair for a few seconds and blurted out, “I stopped taking it for awhile and have only been back on it for eight days.” Then, the doctor gave him a look. Again, I smiled.
Day 12 of life in the slow lane with the turn signal on…
As I sat here staring at a blank computer screen, trying to think of something funny to write, I looked down on my desk and saw a card that my sweet friend, Martha Bolton, sent me after my mom died. The scripture verse included in the card was Psalm 147:3. Then, my mind recalled the conversation I had earlier this evening with my precious daughter, Ashley. She told me that I don’t have to ALWAYS write something funny in my blog, but I do have to always write from my heart. So, I opened my Bible to Psalm 147 and began to read at verse 1, stopping at verse 11. My soul was blessed, so I’m sharing theses verses with you now, in hopes that God’s touch will extend through these words to your heart and bring you comfort, too!
“Praise the LORD! For it is good to sing praises to our God; for it is pleasant, and a song of praise is fitting. The LORD builds up Jerusalem; he gathers the outcasts of Israel. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars; he gives to all of them their names. Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure. The LORD lifts up the humble; he casts the wicked to the ground. Sing to the LORD with thanksgiving; make melody to our God on the lyre! He covers the heavens with clouds; he prepares rain for the earth; he makes grass grow on the hills. He gives to the beasts their food, and to the young ravens that cry. His delight is not in the strength of the horse, nor his pleasure in the legs of a man, but the LORD takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love.” (Psalm 147:1-11 ESV)
Day 11 of life in the slow lane with the turn signal on…
I went “shopping” today with my dad at a senior adult retirement community, looking at villas (aka several small homes lined up in a row and attached to each other). A realtor named Wendall met us at the main gate and introduced us to the very serious security guard who promptly wrote down our names, address, description of our vehicle, and license tag number. As we sat there, I noticed an army of high tech surveillance devices surrounding the area. When he was finished taking down our information, we were allowed to enter the complex, but were given strict instructions to proceed with caution. All the extreme measures of fortification made me wonder what was worth protecting! We followed Wendall to our first open house and approaches the dwelling with great anticipation. I fully expected to be greeted at the door by a couple of snarling Doberman Pinschers! Nope, just an elderly woman named Dottie and her husband, Joe, who will be 91 next week. They were baring their teeth a little, but that was just their dentures slipping. Totally harmless! As we walked through the foyer on our way to the fully furnished living room, Dottie announced, “Everything inside the house comes with the house.” My mouth began to salivate as I looked around and said to myself, “These must be the priceless treasures they are guarding so carefully!” As we came around the corner, angels began to sing and a blinding light from heaven illuminated a light blue, crushed velvet couch with matching velvet chairs – one on each side. The window treatments were blue, the carpet was blue, the end tables were glass, the lamps were crystal, the pictures on the walls contained bouquets of flowers, and an enormous chandelier hung in the middle of the room. “Could this be Heaven?” I thought. Nope, just another house fallen victim to decor from the 1960′s. Disappointed? You betcha! I’m thinking that this community should invest less in high tech security and more in home decorating classes. Sadly, the only things worth protecting in that house were Dottie’s and Joe’s dentures – after all, those suckers (no pun intended) can run ya into the thousands!! The only thing more sad is the fact that I possess that knowledge.
Day 10 of life in the slow lane with the turn signal on…
WOW, hard to believe it’s been a month since my last post! For those of you who do not know, my mom died suddenly, at home, on July 29th. I was sitting on the edge of her bed, holding her and looking into her eyes as she took her last breath here on earth and her first breath in Heaven. In an instant, she was taken from my arms and transported into the arms of Jesus, and my world turned upside down – again. I am left to try to help my broken father, who is lost without his love of 53+years, grieve. Nothing has been funny since that moment, and the thought of writing a blog about “life in the slow lane…” seems irrelevant and shallow. I will, however, make attempts at communicating with you because I want you to feel the HOPE that I feel at this time vs. the despair that so easily sets in when someone you love dies. I miss my mom and I know I’ll see her again when it’s my turn to go to Paradise, but I miss my mom! So, please do not say things like, “She’s in a better place” or “God needed another voice in the choir…cook in the kitchen…angel in Heaven” because those comments bring me no comfort. Only time and the amazing love of Jesus will get me through this sorrowful period of my life. I would, however, love to hear you simply say, “I am so sorry for your loss and will continue to pray for you.” Those words tell me that you truly care and “get” what it means to grieve…it’s not about the one who died – it’s about those left behind who are devastated and hurting. So, rather than focusing on the one who is gone, focus on the ones who are still here and need to feel “Jesus with skin on.” 
Thanks for your prayers – they are needed, felt, and MUCH appreciated!!